The Big Disaster by Nirrok10 (2A)
The big disaster was when the Bergners moved away. I miss them more and more each day. I especially miss things we did together like inventing weird things that actually worked [sometimes], like a rope pulley. The pulley was suspended in mid air by a branch in the Bergner's yard. Its purpose was to help us climb the fence. I really liked the ultimate messy mud fight. It was a riot. It was fun bombing Justin's face. I miss being able to wake up in the morning and know that in a matter of minutes I would hear the knock knock knock and then, "Can Korrin play?" Or sometimes there were two little men in P.J.s asking in high-pitched voices, "Tan zatary pway?" Another thing I miss is the perfect friends. I miss how their pep talks got me out of bad moods. I miss fighting with my good friend Justin.Oh well, I guess I can't have everything in this world. I miss the Bergners A LOT!! It was a huge catastrophe when they moved.
posted by rightwriters @ 3:25 PM
3 Comments:
I love the way your introduction and your conclusion sentences "mirror" each other so nicely!
I think you should read this over several times to yourself now, and see where you need some punctuation to help your readers understand this the way you meant it. Mainly, make sure there's a period at the end of each sentence, and each sentence begins with a capital letter.
(Remember you can click on the pencil to make changes.)
Good job posting your first entry!!
Mama Hen
Good job hun, this is a very touching story.
I love the "tan Zatary pway" part! It's really cute.
-Pickle13
i like the beging how you got rite to the pont and i thind it was a good word choise. good job
caroline
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