Black Out by Horizon11 (3B)
As I walk outside, I tell my son not to be afraid. Stepping out the door, the smell of new fallen rain fills my nose. Walking on the muddy path I hear the squash of my feet, cows mooing,and all of a sudden I hear Indians yelling. I look and see them coming out of the forest and running for the house. I take off, and as I run, I can feel the swish of my dress on my weak legs. I'm at the door but feel a pain in my shoulder. One of the Indians has thrown a tomahawk at me! I can feel the blood dripping down my arm. Then I black out.
posted by rightwriters @ 10:14 PM
6 Comments:
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Very discriptive. I loved it.
Pickle13
uot out froest forest throun thrown see the difference
great job on dicribing everything.
you might want to put in spaces between your pieriods and new sentences and insted of "all of the sudden indians yelling" you could say "all of the sudden I hear indians yelling"
Horsefeathers10
som, son, c tha diferince, duhh.
good job theres some spelling stuff but that's fixable( i'm not very good at spelling either) and just a hint trynot to say "I" at the begining of your sentences all the time, but besides that you did very good, i'm soo proud of you *sniff*
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